apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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