A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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