In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
be right there i have to get my cape
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
