I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
