There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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