...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
