To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
