used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
