do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
