Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize