I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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