This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
