Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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