So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
