I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
