my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
