if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
