I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
