Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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