your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize