your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize