respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
