Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
