if i can run in heels then i can drive
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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