I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
