He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
