Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
