I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
