I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
