I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
