Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize