you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
