Well douche your snatch and let's go!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
