I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
