If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
