It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
