he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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