she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
