she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
