Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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