He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
