I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
BRING THE BAGELS
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
