I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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