Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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