its not stalking. its research.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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