it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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