I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize