I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
