Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
