But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
