Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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