i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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