and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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