I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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