remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
