he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
