she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have fence marks all over my body
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
