I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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