I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
