I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
