we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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