I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
