I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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