i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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