your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
What a dumb baby whore.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
