Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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