after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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