The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
