At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
