Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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