I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
