I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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