And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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